Life as a Woman This Week (& Every Week..)
Sunday: I go to a job interview. I’m the only woman in the room… do I wear my hair up or down? Do I wear a skirt or pants? How do I navigate this space? I feel intimated but I have to project confidence. Is this what the rest of my career will feel like?⠀⠀
Monday: I’m biking home from class. My friend forces me to take her mace, she’s so nervous for me. I laugh and tell her its fine… but I still take the mace.⠀⠀⠀⠀
Tuesday: I learn to negotiate salary. Why is it so low? What did I do wrong? How much am I worth? How do I convince them of that? How do I balance boldness with respect? How big/small do I need to be here?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Wednesday: I experience sexual harassment in class because I forgot to turn the bluetooth off on my computer… I didn’t know I needed to pay attention to that too. Who sent me this? Why? Are they watching me now? Who can I trust? I feel targeted, I feel vulnerable, I feel shame. I pretend it didn’t happen and try to focus on my work.⠀⠀⠀⠀
Thursday: I watch the news. The world is heavy, there is so much talking and almost no listening. I don’t trust this man, I don’t trust this process, I don’t trust the president. This isn’t a world I want to live in. I feel powerless, hopeless and tired.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Friday: I initiate difficult conversations. How do I say this? How do I confront without being accusatory? My mind is racing of the million of outcomes/ways I could be perceived. This is so difficult, but I must persist. I repeat “my feelings matter” over and over and over, I try and force myself to believe it.
Saturday: I walk home alone. It’s dark and rainy, this probably isn’t smart but I don’t want to be an inconvenience. I still have the mace in my bag, I’m thankful she forced me to take it. I call my mom to feel less afraid and alone, at least she’ll know if something happens.
Sunday: I go to church. I’m thankful to be in a space where women’s voices matter. I’m thankful for men who care and women who persist with me... but it’s still hard. I’m overwhelmed with grief for women all over the world, I know I’m privileged in so many ways. I want to fix this all right now, I cry because I don’t know how.